I’m going to cut to the chase of even acquainting you with this topic as I don’t want more women to fall prey to horrendous wooing techniques, which is being increasingly applied across major Indian cities. Perhaps as I type this post, another woman somewhere in India is being subjected to some atrocious wooing, which is right now making her question the very existence of her male counterpart’s IQ. Personally, there have been times when I have questioned my superior decision-making skills about meeting men who are nothing more than a pair of walking pants that is waiting to drop them at any given second. Wooing is a case more of arts than science where time, location and a good set of teeth are the deciding factors. I think it’s probably evolution where man lost out on his enticing skills. So without further ado, I think I should do my bit for saving the human race by teaching you men ‘how NOT to woo a woman’.

  1. Women are insecure beings, so don’t be over-confident and shower her with how much you like her flabby arms or her cute chubby stomach. We have this in-built thing called a lie-detector and it will sniff out the minute you even think about an impending lie. If that happens the lie-detector prepares the body for a total lock down, which in your language means ‘no action happening tonight’. If you are not good with experiments stick to the basics; tell her she has mesmerizing eyes, beautiful smile, good soft skin, etc., those have a good success rate when compared to ‘I think small boobs are cute’. Now you know how ridiculous it sounds! But yes, if you are confident then tell her she has a nice ass, long fingers and sexy lips. Subtle erotica works!
  2. If you can’t handle your drink don’t take her drinking. Buying a woman a shot of tequila doesn’t account as wooing unless and until she is doing a cameo in Lil Wayne’s music video. Besides that, most of the times you forget that the plan included only a couple of beers and not a freaking crate. So basically what started as a slow seductive move on the dance floor turns into relentless off-beat thrusting. And trust me when I say this; nothing good can come from this. But if you really want to take her drinking, take her to some place quite which doesn’t have a dance floor. Establishing body connect is important but not necessary. Intrigue her with conversation, what’s more turning on than a man who knows how to use his words!
  3. This last point that I am about to make might come as some sort of a revelation, but yes, women are heartless. We only cry when WE are hurt and dismiss all the other crying as just insignificant tears. Ironically, we abhor cry-babies. If you think by sharing your emotional turmoil, you are going to have your way with her, think again. Saturating her with stories of your mean ex-girlfriend, your psycho room-mate, divorced parents, etc. are truly heart-rending but save this for later. Your unstable emotional state is most certainly doing the opposite of attracting. If you over indulge in this sort of emotional blackmail her phone will refer to you as ‘Perennial PMSer’. You know what that means right?